At the age of 23 I wasn't planning on going on an 18-30 holiday again but as I had two weeks off and still hadn't booked anything so I called my best friend Alice (who is only 17 yet light years ahead of me in every department including height) and suggested we go book something together. Alice is going off to Australia next summer and had invited me to come with her so we thought this would be a good way of testing the travel waters together.
Off we went to the travel agents and asked for whatever flights were leaving in the next seven days. There was literally nothing left but 18-30 holidays which were flying out every Tuesday and Saturday! Reluctantly we agreed. Kos and Ibiza were off the cards, Alice knew at least half the island of Aya Napa so didn't want to go there, Magaluf and Kavos were getting upwards of our budget which just left Malia. I was adamant I didn't want to stay in an 18-30 hotel and I wanted to go where there wouldn't be as many teenagers during the day but we still had the option of going out at night if we wanted to. Malia is in the south of Greece next to Kos and the next island Stalis is meant to be amazing so I figured if things got too heated in Malia we could jump on a boat and get away from the party scene if needed.
Having confused ourselves and the Thomas Cook lady we decided to go home and think about what we actually wanted so we did just that and eventually found something we both liked for £225 including flights and transfers flying out the following week. The Bella Elena apartments were fifteen minutes from the main strip and two minutes from the beach and was described as a family hotel but 'lively' which we assumed meant there would be some kids but you could also get a few happy hour cocktails. Unfortunately the week before a British teenager had been stabbed to death outside one of the clubs so Malia was not getting a great rep.
Either way we were off!
We got the dead of night flight which means we landed at 2am in Crete after a four hour flights and then got a bus to our apartments. We eventually got in at 5am and I found I had no phone signal whatsoever. Our apartment was probably the best one I've stayed in yet and felt girly and homely with a little hairdryer and a nice big mirror (the important things).
The view was amazing and we could see miles of Greek hills and hear the crickets.
I think I went in the pool a grand total of once.
We were two extremely hungry girls when we arrived so off we went in search off food and to have a mooch around. Five minutes from our apartment was this pizza place and honest to God I have ever had such good pizza for 3 euros! We had one at 1pm on our way down to the beach and then one at 1am on our way down to the clubs near enough every day.
The strip is like nothing I have ever seen before. I was like a kid at Christmas as soon as I saw all the flashing lights and heard the music pumping out and there were thousands of people, I've never seen so much going on at one time and my eyes didn't know where to look to take it all in. The workers literally drag you into their clubs and bars whether you want to go in or not and they're not afraid to manhandle you which after seven nights of is incredibly annoying. A few times I went nuts at them as I was so tired of being pushed around and by the end of the holiday we were called 'The No Girls' because if anyone tried to get us in anywhere but our favourite places we just said no thanks and ducked under their arms. You had to be firm! It was definitely the most aggressive promotion tactics I've experienced.
In daylight
The strip is the longest I've seen yet and goes off in a kind of fork at one end. The first time we ventured down the second part of the strip the promotions guy for Reflex tried to get us in for absolutely ages and wasn't relenting so I explained how I'd worked for Babylon which is Reflex's older sister for three years so I really had no desire to go in and he SWORE at me and PUSHED me! I was fuming! Needless to say we never went down that bit of the strip again. Who pushes a girl because she doesn't want to go in your shoddy bar? In fact, who pushes a girl full stop? Shame on you Reflex boy, shame on you.
Our favourite main club was 'Candy Club' because it was the biggest and it has a good mix of music. It's also where the celebrity DJ's and performers go and that week they had Fatman Scoop and Skepta.
Our ultimate favourite was a bar called 'Kings Cross' which during the day looks like a big nothing.
But at night it's where everyone goes because they have an amazing DJ who plays my dream playlist. Alice hates having to dance anywhere that isn't hugely crowded so she liked going to Candy Club until it got too busy to breathe but I prefer it when it's quieter and have no qualms about being the only one on the dance floor so sometimes we'd split up and go our separate ways for a while. Having no phone signal did mean that a couple of nights we ended up having to walk down the infamous 'Rape Alley' by ourselves which I DO NOT reccomend. Our number one rule when we arrived was never to split up but sometimes it's inevitable especially if you've made friends who want to go elsewhere. Not having phone signal was far from ideal and had it not been for the hotels security guard having a spare key I'd have been sleeping in the corridor.
The clubs don't start to get going till 1am and don't close until 7am and it took us a while to get into that routine! We'd get up early, go to the beach and then from 6pm till 12pm we'd nap and get dressed and play cards to while the hours away. It was odd to be starting your night in the middle of the morning but by the end of the holiday it suited us fine and we wouldn't get up till 1pm.
Animal Snap!
Wherever I go I can always hunt out a good cider! They do crates of this for 63 euros which is nuts.
Every club and bar has a deal on to entice you inside but they're mostly the same. I'm very sure they water down the vodka and we had a couple of shots which we were pretty certain was Ribena! They give you two drinks and two shots for 5 euros which is pretty reasonable but the actual amount of alcohol you're drinking isn't very much. I didn't once have a hangover and for me to have six vodka red bulls and six shots back home I wouldn't even be standing.
Pre-going out selfies:
Half way through the week we took a van out to the next village and boarded a boat with a couple from Holland and some Israeli soldiers. In Israel they get signed up for the army when they're fairly young and have to stay for 3 years so their parents often send them around Europe before they go into the army to give them a taste of freedom. Malia is only 45 minutes on the plane from Israel which I found nuts as the two places couldn't be more different from one another!
Israeli's definitely know how to party. Within minutes they'd got a bottle of Jagermeister out and we were celebrating anything and everything.
That boat trip was one of the best days of my life! We had Bob Marley on and it was so relaxing being in the middle of the ocean and seeing the Greek islands all around you. I would have gone back on that boat everyday if I could. Every now and again we'd stop whenever we saw a beach and the guys would jump off the boat whilst the girls pinched the best sunbathing spots till they got back. We were planning on going on a jeep safari as well as they stopped off in the hills and you made a BBQ which sounded right up my street but it was too expensive we thought and set off at 8am and we couldn't guarantee we'd be awake! Now I do wish we'd done it because I know I would have had the time of my life. I wanted to go horse riding in the hills as well but Alice is allergic to horses so that was that.
The main beach in Malia is probably the worst beach I've ever been on but after a while I didn't care. It's really thin and you're literally sitting on top of the person next to you. It's a good place to make friends though especially if you go swimming in the sea because you get chatting whilst you all bob about. Each area of the beach was owned by different people so there was 'The Pleasure Beach' which was all about partying and one which was for watersports but ours was just 'The Beach'. It was owned by four greek men and had a pool and cafe bar where I regularly got strawberry milkshakes and sausage butties from.
The general attitude in Malia is exactly what I thought it would be; basically lots of teenagers in snap backs, vest tops, tiny shorts and Converse high tops. Think Joey Essex and you're spot on. I can't stress enough how much this is NOT my cup of tea! I like men who look like men and to me Joey Essex is not the symbol of a man.
I felt this tshirt summed it up perfectly.
I had a fried breakfast/sausage butty every day and a pint of apple juice. There's only one restaurant with fans so we went there most days, air conditioning is seriously lacking on this island!
Alice got an obligatory henna tattoo.
I got an obligatory I <3 Malia tshirt (only to be worn to bed I might add) and a silver anklet. The tourist shops are actually pretty expensive in comparison to most places where you can usually pick up bracelets for 1 euro each but they were nearly 5 euros a bracelet here.
I really thought I'd hate Malia but I think it may well have been my favourite of the lot! I thought I'd be the oldest person there and I was definitely in the minority, workers aside, although I met two girls who were 24 and 25, one was an account manager and one was a primary school teacher. Both of whom got nipple piercings whilst we were there which just goes to show what that island can do to you! If anyone asked my age I'd ask them how old they thought I was and the average was 21 so I just went with that. I definitely didn't feel 23 but I cringed when I saw how the 19 year old girls were dancing and how easily they let guys take them back to their hotel rooms.
There is a massive sense of 'I need to get laid!' in Malia and the guys are really pushy about it. They don't care what you look like or who you are they just want to get a girl back to their room as quickly as possible and a lot of conversations revolved around numbers. The workers are very expectant that girls will want to go back with them as well and ask you to stay after the clubs close- I'm sure they have a different girl every night and no one seems to say no! It took a while to get used to that culture but after a while you either go with it or get past it. Not every guy is like that though and there are some absolute gems. I seemed to attract the nice guys with girlfriends at home that just wanted to tell me how much they loved them and ask my advice on relationships. Maybe I gave off some weird older sister vibe!
A word of warning would be to watch out for the tourists driving quad bikes up and down the strip. You don't need a driving licence or insurance to hire one and most people driving them are no more than kids. I don't think you even get a lessen on how to drive them and we heard about a lot of life changing accidents happening when quad bikes have overturned and a lot of locals have suffered broken bones from being knocked into. One worker told us a dog had been run over that week which is horrible as there are loads of peoples pets wandering around.
This is Max, my favourite who kept trying to follow us and would always be awake when we got back from the clubs everyday to greet us.
When we first got there we thought seven days was going to be hell and thanked our lucky stars we hadn't booked ten days but by the end of the holiday I was loving the whole island and would have done anything to stay a few more days. If you go believing the bad rep you might be pleasantly surprised by the end of your holiday. You really need to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy it though as it is all about the partying and making friends. We found it easy as it was two of us and we're both quite independent so we didn't mind splitting up and making other friends, sometimes if you're in a group you tend to just stick to that group and don't venture further away which isn't always a good thing.
If, like me, you want to see a bit of the island as well then I fully reccomend the excursions. I would have gone on all of them if I could have.
As I thought Kos would be my last I was surprised to find myself on another but because Malia was so bloody good I wouldn't say no to another.
Happy holidays!
Bella
x
